Deadpool, and the Great Big Mystery Maniac
by JustAnotherNerd
Summary: He'll be revelead in the first chapter, but I thought I'd just make it a surprise any way. Be ready, as Deadpool discovers someone even crazier then him.


Well, let's get this started.

Chapter 1

Deadpool needed a vacation. Well actually no he didn't need one, he just wanted one. Why? Geez, you people always want a reason. Can't people just go for a vacation just for the fun of things anymore?

"I'm a Barbie girl… In the Barbie world! Life in plastic… it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me…"

"…City police! Pull over NOW!"

"Geez all I'm doing is riding in a stolen car, going 60 over the speed limit, and driving on the wrong side of the road. Is that a crime?"

"Hmph!" said Deadpool's patsy. She was hogtied, and gagged. The minute Deadpool didn't need this car, he would cut the bonds, and leave her to take the blame. After deliberately getting into a massive car accident, causing untold property damage, and more then ten deaths, he did just that.

"Miley Cyrus! Your under arrest for grand theft auto, irresponsible driving, and manslaughter!!"

* * *

"Ah! Not a bad place to set up camp," Deadpool declared looking around the apartment. He teleported a few meters from the accident, and then tracked down the nearest apartment building. He climbed through a random window, and looked around.

Stanley placed his key in his room door. Had he known what was waiting, for him, he would have run away, tail between his legs. But he opened the door, and got a handgun jammed into his eye.

"Congratulations! You've just been hired as Deadpool's official maid! You will do all the chores, tell no one, and receive absolutely NO pay. Or I could throw you out the window."

* * *

Deadpool flicked through channels, as Stanley, in a maid's dress, fixed him a peanut butter sandwich.

"Excellent work Stephanie!"

"Thank you master," Stanley said, curtseying out of pure fear.

"Take 5 baby."

Deadpool gave him a quick kick to his rear. Stanley hid in his closet panicking about what was going on. He was panicking so much in fact, he had forgotten that he had the perfect solution of getting rid of this problem. A solution that was tilting off the top shelf of said closet. At that moment Deadpool slammed the closet door open.

"HEY! Did I SAY you could take 5!" Deadpool demanded. The vibrations caused said solution to fall down upon his face. A high pitched whistle emitted from a twister, and Deadpool was thrown back. The twister spun round and round as lightning struck it, revealing a skeleton in the twister. The narrator could only say one thing

CUE THE MUSIC! (Seriously go to Youtube and look up this theme song, it kicks ass!)

I....gotcha with my winning smile,

I'm a living lesson in flare and style.

You just can't help but stare at my savoir flare.

I'm new bo-decko, roman grecko, ro coco, beroco, bebop,uh- hip-hop, uh- flip-flop. SOMEBODY STOP ME!Pretty, viridian faces like mine… Don't come a dime a dozen,

I STAND OUT IN A CROWD!

Babe when they made me, yeah- they broke the mould!

Wholesome and kind,

state and refined.

TOTALLY OUT OF MY MIND!Aaaa...rch Villains and Ne'er-do- wells, had better learn to decorate prison cells,

Green goes with anything if they ask, see?

But, there's one last thing I gotta sing about. Open up wide and really shout!

OHHHH… LOOK OUT!!!THIS IS "THE MASK"!

A green faced figure in a yellow suit stood before him.

"SSSSMOKIN'!!!!!"

"Uh… Ipkiss?"

"Heya boss!" he said. "You know what, your RIGHT! That break was completely unnecessary. Let me make it up to you!"

He was talking very fast. Very fast. Deadpool was actually intimidated.

"Uh… Well…"

The green faced man spun around, and was suddenly in a maid outfit, with a disturbingly short skirt, and gave Deadpool a sultry wink. Under the mask Deadpool's mouth hung open.

The green faced man threw him into his chair, dusted him off, lit a cigar, and stuck it into his mouth (without lifting the mask). Deadpool looked at him confused.

_This guy kinda reminds me of_… Deadpool thought. Suddenly the cigar exploded. …_me_.

"Oh! What's this?" The green faced man inquired.

"Let me show you," Deadpool said politely, pulling the pin from the hand grenade the man had taken. He ran away quickly as he could and jumped behind the couch, covering his ears.

"Nothing's happening," he heard. Deadpool stood up and looked. Still nothing. The green faced man gently placed the grenade in his and walked away.

"Hm… Must be a dud…" BOOM!

Deadpool stood, his costume black with soot, and smoking. A little piece of his mask was on fire. The green faced man's arm stretched out and lit a cigar on the fire on Deadpool's mask.

"Sssssomebody ssssstop me!" He shouted, and ran away at super sonic speeds. Leaving a battered and bruised and burnt Deadpool in his wake.

"…………………………….....................................................................So this is what it's like on the other end of me," he said.

* * *

"It would appear there is a… _tourist _in Edge City," Dr. Pretorius noted, finger tips touching as he watched the monitor hooked to the camera in Ipkiss's apartment. "Walter! Bring him here. He may prove useful."

The giant of a man behind him walked away completely silent.

* * *

So there you go. I'm using The Mask from the movie and cartoon series because I've never read the comics.


End file.
